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Welcome back to the blog. If this is your first post, WELCOME! My name is La Shauna Richardson, I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and I own a small group psychotherapy practice in New Jersey. Recently, I have had a number of highly successful female clients come to my practice asking how they can overcome their impostor syndrome.
I don’t normally like to talk about popularized ideas or concepts but this one was too good to resist. You don’t have to look far to find people asking the same question, especially in professional circles. It's all over social media and TV and in the latest self-help books. So, let’s talk about it: what is impostor syndrome and do you really have it?
First, I would not be a good therapist if I didn’t clarify the term. Impostor syndrome is a term that was first used by psychologists Suzanna Imes and Pauline Rose Clance in the 1970s to describe the experience of their highly successful Caucasian female clients. Contrary to popular belief, it is not a mental illness or a clinical diagnosis. It is a term used to describe the experience of a person who has achieved great success (whatever that means to them) but who questions whether they have really earned it and if they have what it takes to keep it. In essence, they feel like a fraud, an impostor. They fear that someone will “find out” or an incident will “prove” they are not qualified for or deserving of their achievements.
Sound familiar? Yes… then we’ve solved it. You have impos… wait a minute. I wish it was that easy.
The truth about our emotions–especially the way we feel about ourselves–is that they are shaped by more than one source.
Let me explain. We all have an internal environment–the stuff going on inside us (our thoughts, feelings, etc). Then there’s our external environment–the stuff happening to us. So, to really figure out whether you are experiencing true impostor syndrome, you’ve got to investigate where those feelings are coming from–your internal or external environment.
How do you do that!? I’m glad you asked!
If you were sitting in my office, I would ask you two questions about your childhood:
Tell me about your home life.
Tell me about your social environment.
When describing your home life, I would ask you to think about:
Did you grow up in an environment where you felt loved?
Were you seen?
Were you appreciated?
Were your words and feelings validated?
To really figure out whether you are experiencing true impostor syndrome, you’ve got to investigate where those feelings are coming from–your internal or external environment.
Then, I would ask you to think about your social environment:
Were you bullied?
Did you feel accepted?
Could you be yourself as you understood it at the time?
I can hear you now… of course, I have had negative experiences with others. Yes, everyone has negative interactions with others, but when negative interactions are frequent or severe, they can have a huge impact on us and how we see ourselves. Many times we carry that picture of ourselves from childhood into adulthood.
At its core, impostor syndrome is about self-esteem. The more frequently or severely we experience unaffirming events in our home life or the internal world, the more we can develop a negative self-esteem and image of ourselves.
Additionally, we live in a world where there are many isms that shape the experiences we have:
Racism
Classism
Sexism
Ableism
And the list goes on.
When we experience one of these isms, someone in our environment is directly or indirectly challenging our skills, competence, and achievements unfairly. In essence, they are questioning our value as a human being. In those instances, a person is navigating a challenging environment and, potentially, internalizing it. However, that is not the same as low or negative self-esteem.
So, what are some indicators that the challenges you are experiencing may be motivated by an ism?
You've got the receipts: the challenges do not seem grounded in your actual performance.
Same behavior, different reaction: other people who do not share similar characteristics (race, age, gender, etc.) but behave similarly do not appear to face the same challenges.
Shifting sands: expectations communicated or applied to you change frequently or unexpectedly.
Different outcomes: the negative consequences you face for supposedly not meeting expectations are more frequent and usually more severe than others who perform similarly to you.
This list is not exhaustive, but I think you are probably seeing the point. Whenever expectations are applied or performance/behavior is evaluated differently for similarly situated people, an ism may be at work.
Why is it important to know the difference? Well, how you address low or negative self-esteem is different from how you would work through the impact of someone directly or indirectly questioning your skills or competence. In fact, not acknowledging that the external environment you are in is hurting you can lead to feelings of anxiousness and maybe even depression. Taking the time to get this right is critical to getting the support you need to thrive.
So, do you really have impostor syndrome? Your mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, and relational health is worth the work it takes to figure it out. Taking steps to heal your heart and learn therapeutic tools and practices can help you better navigate challenging situations in your external environment when they arise–including leaving that environment when it is in your best interest to do so.
One more thing to consider: sometimes the inadequacy you feel that is associated with impostor syndrome can actually come from a complicated relationship with your parents experienced during your childhood. Taking the time to explore that relationship is often a first step to navigating low self-esteem more effectively. This May, we are running a therapeutic retreat designed to help women with complicated mother-daughter relationships have a nonjudgmental space to begin working through the impact of their relationship with their mom on their life. Want to learn more? Visit here.
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Talk soon!
Growing, Authentically…
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